I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
