When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
