I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
