marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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