she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
farters have to be the big spoon...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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