I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I enjoy the company of your penis
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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