My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
