smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
