The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
