after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
