I wish my penis had an off switch
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
