my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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