We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
