I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
