happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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