I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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