You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
