Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
