I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
