were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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