So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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