he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
