My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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