More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
