$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
