Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
