the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
