C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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