When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
