Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
