You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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