just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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