i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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