his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
