Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
