She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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