My friends, they love my intelligence
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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