Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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