your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
