The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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