I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
