return my video game
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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