It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
