Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
