This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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