Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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