I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
