He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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