a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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