Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
