The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lost the right to judge tonight
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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