best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
