Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
